Conversation with Adam Tabellija, Biracial Actor of Color

Broadway ReFocused is in conversation with actor of color, Adam Tabellija, where talks about his experience in the casting room as a biracial queer actor of color in New York City. Adam was last seen as Frank N Furter in Rocky Horror at Exit 82 Theatre. Other credits include Rock of Ages, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Burn the Floor, Cleopatra, RENT, and For Tonight. He also is the creator of the web series: My Gay Bartender where he crafts cocktails with a sassy twist for your next kiki. Find his amazingly funny channel on Instagram, Tiktok and Youtube at: @mygaybartender.

BR - S1, E7 - Conversation with Adam Tabellija, Actor of Color

Spencer Williams: Welcome Adam Tabellija to Broadway ReFocused. It's exciting because not only you've been our host this semester and we've enjoyed your amazing videos that you have created for us about all the different content and units that we've explored over the course of the semester, but we're really excited to talk   to you today a little bit about your experience as an actor in New York City and also in the Bay Area, and about diversity and inclusion and what your experience has been on that.  Welcome.

Adam Tabellija: Happy to be here. Hi everybody.

Spencer Williams: Why don't we just start from the beginning, tell us a little bit about your journey in musical theater and how you got to New York City.

Adam Tabellija: I grew up in the Bay area, I was born in San Jose and was raised, came into adulthood, but I  started doing theater in high school. It started in choir and then I got recruited into this organization called the Children's Musical Theater in San Jose or CMTSJ, which is like this super competitive youth theater. That was kind of an amalgamation of all of the performing arts students throughout the Bay Area, putting on these like professional grade shows essentially.

And so I went from knowing nothing about theater to being thrust into breathing, living, theater 24/7. Everything changed for me when that happened. And so, that's where I really got, my formative training. I didn't have a really strong performing arts department at my high school. I was spending a lot of time outside of my actual school, honing these skills. And then from that, I actually did not go on to study theater, but stayed involved through community theater and sort of reunions with children's theater, et cetera, so on and so forth. And I had a career instead, as a personal trainer.

I kind of like didn't think of theater as being an actual career option and went a more practical route. And that was exciting, I was happy to do it but after a couple of years it kind of stopped being fulfilling. And, I ended up starting to audition again and ended up in a production of Rent with your lovely instructor, Mr. Williams. And we did Rent, he was Mark, I was Angel and that kind of created a U-turn in my life. The show itself was very important to me. The role itself was very important to me and obviously the friendships that I made have been enduring, but also the sort of reaction that I got from audiences, coming up in tears after the show and you know, thank you for telling the story, it reminded me of my brother who died of AIDS or my best friend's wife had cancer and he took care of her in her final years. And so I kind of realized then that my work in theater was not just selfish and self-serving, that it could reach other people.

And that was really the part that kind of clicked everything into place for me to where I thought, "Okay, this is something that I can really, pursue", because what motivates me is the ability to connect with people, to share an experience with people, to move people. And so at that point I transitioned and I was sort of doing a dual career situation, I jumped into auditioning all the time. I weaseled my way into the Actor's Equity association and I got my equity card. Like maybe the year after we did Rent. And so I really put my pedal to the metal and before long the amount of time that I was spending and funneling into theater began to outweigh the time that I was pouring into my personal training career.

I reached this intersection where I had to decide is this worth pursuing to the fullest extent or do I want to just keep balancing this like sort of chaotic life in California? And so after a series of working at regional theaters in the Bay area and getting my feet wet and meeting a lot of people, and then eventually working at regional theaters in the Bay area with actors from New York, that was a huge influence on my decision to move to New York.

I was working in a professional environment with actors that were living the life in New York City, they were hustling. They were auditioning and they had taken two months out of their life to come to the Bay Area and put on a production. And I remember one of the actresses brought me a packet and it said, "What would happen if you move to New York city?" And it had all of the names of dance studios and where you go to audition and people to take your head shots and all of the information you need to know. And the year after that, I flew out to New York for my first visit. I stayed for a week, I saw three Broadway shows, I flew home and a year later to the day I moved to New York City. And now I'm here.

Spencer Williams: Was that your first visit to New York City?

Adam Tabellija: My mom brought me to New York when I was literally an infant, so I don't really count that. So, yes, it really was my first visit to New York. I saw Anything Goes, I saw Ghost and I saw Newsies -- so very varied, sort of an array of shows, which I thought was really cool. And then the cool thing is right after that, I flew back to California and the day after I got back, I started rehearsals for A Chorus Line and in A Chorus Line, I don't know how familiar you guys are -- it is an incredible show and super diverse and was really groundbreaking.

But it's about a group of ensemble dancers auditioning in New York City. And, I had just the week before been standing in Shubert Alley where the show originally ran and I harnessed all of that energy and brought it back to California with me for A Chorus Line. And I was like, I'm gonna do this and then a year later I sold all of my things and I moved to New York with two suitcases.

Spencer Williams: Perfect. What was it like in the Bay Area as you moved into becoming an equity actor? What was that like for you as a mixed race actor?

Adam Tabellija: Well, you know, it was interesting because I feel like about 10 years ago when I was really starting to get into the professional and regional side of things, it wasn't quite as socially conscious as it is now, from the sense of real true ethnic representation on stage.

When I was growing up in children's theater and in community theater and even in professional, regional theater in the Bay Area, it was very valuable and it still is valuable to me that I was a multiracial actor because it opened up a variety of parts that other people could not convincingly play.

That being said, Children's Musical Theater of San Jose also has a history of taking shows that are very ethnicity specific or race specific and completely "colorblind" casting them, which in the past we were like, "Oh, you know, it's children's theater. That doesn't matter." You know, it's not, that's not, you know, really sending a message, now that would not fly and they have been called out for that as well.

And so, my journey, as a multiracial actor, has really morphed and changed over the course of my career because I went from really banking on my multi ethnicity and you know, I love dialects. I love researching other cultures and, whenever I've taken a role on that is not my specific ethnicity, it is always done with care and with respect, as it always should be because I am taking that responsibility on myself. But, I do think that there are probably casting choices that were made in the past, in my career, that probably would not fly today, because we're much, I think as a whole, we are and should be more interested in an ethnically accurate representation of the characters that are on stage.

Spencer Williams: So, did you feel like there was a difference inside of that experience from going from the Bay Area to New York city?

Adam Tabellija: I did. Well, I, you know, There are a lot of differences between the Bay Area and between New York City. I will say that, yeah, I feel like there was an extra sensitivity to it out here, that I had not experienced in the Bay Area.

I feel like they were a little bit more relaxed with the idea of, well, you know, you look like you could be Indian-esque, so we can cast you as the Fakir in The Secret Garden, you know, even though I'm Filipino. Yeah. So, they were kind of stretching a little bit more, whereas out here, I ran into, and this, will kind of dovetail  into another topic, which is really important, which is my name changing.

I was participating out in New York in, a kind of, a pay-for-play audition situation where you pay a fee to attend a class that is taught or hosted by somebody very important, say a casting director from an important agency or something like that. So, you pay a fee in order to become visible in a way to these people.

So, we had a day in one of these classes where they had two casting directors from big major league casting agencies for musical theater, they came to watch us do a couple of segments of songs, like a 16 or a 32 bar cut of contrasting music. And, I sang, "What is it About Her" from Andrew Lippa, The Wild Party, which is like one of those, like this is in my back pocket. No problem. And then for contrast, I sang "La Bamba", you know, the full song in Spanish, which is always a slam dunk. And so I sang the song and this casting director looked at my resume. And at the time, this was before I changed my name. And so he looks at my headshot and the name underneath it says: Adam Theodore Berry.

Which is like white, white, white. Okay. So, like they're looking at this and they're looking at me and it doesn't matter that like, my hair is black and my eyes are brown and I have brown skin, like it doesn't matter. What they see in front of them is a white presenting name and this dude singing "La Bamba" in front of them.

So, this guy asks me, this casting agent asks me, "Are you even Latin?" Which first of all, you can't do. Certainly not in an audition, and definitely not in the classroom, sort of setting, but he asks me anyway. So, he kind of pointedly asks me this like kind of accusatory in a way. And I say, "Well,  I'm half Filipino and there's Spanish bloodline lineage" It's, you know, and then he goes, "Oh, Oh, okay". And so, that somehow then validated my performance. I was then allowed to be good at performing that song because I had confirmed to him. That was kind of a turning point for me, because I realized that, When you're auditioning, you don't have the time to tell somebody, "Hey, my name is Adam Theodore Barry, and contrary to what my name says, I'm actually half Filipino." There's no time for that. And so I took my mother's maiden name, which is Tabellija, which is explicitly ethnic. And frankly, I have always identified more with the Brown side of my family and so in a way, I got to honor that side of my family and my mother. And it also served the purpose of getting me to communicate to them that I can, you know, "represent", you know, I'm qualified, I guess, to play particular characters.

Spencer Williams: What was that like being in the room, navigating that type of scenario I'm also assuming here, and maybe this is a poor assumption, but I feel like it's probably right that that person was white.

Adam Tabellija: Yes. That's yeah, absolutely.

Spencer Williams:  I mean, you're literally presenting in front of him as who you are, which like you do look ethnic. Right.  And he, as a white person goes: "how can you sing this song?" what was that like?

Adam Tabellija: Well, I mean, really, like I said, that was kind of the moment that that set into my mind, I really have to I need to make myself more accurately visible, and using my mother's maiden name and representing the Filipino side of my ethnicity has always been from the very beginning. Actually, when I joined Actor' Equity, they required me to use a name, my full name because there is another actor named Adam Berry who exists in actors' equity. And so I can't, we can't have the same name, and be in the union. So, I chose to then use my full name, but I remember at that point when I was like, maybe I should just go out and tablet. And I almost wish that I had done that back then because it wasn't interesting -- it's been an interesting change for myself in my personal life here in New York where, you know, for the first two and a half, three years that I was auditioning, I was Adam theater or Barry, and now. I am re-introducing myself as Adam Tabellija and so that's just been an interesting adjustment for me to make. But I, you know, an interesting thing kind of tied to that is that. What a show that I love that I really want to do in some capacity is In the Heights.

it's something that I have been obsessed with for a really long time. It's a show that I know that I'm right for that I know that I would perform well in and, for years I had submitted myself to just audition, just be considered for any parts, in any way with any of these shows. And I never received an appointment.

The first production that I submitted to after I changed my name, they called me in for Usnavi. So, it really shows you the way that people perceive. Like it's such a small thing that people perceive, but then your head shots going across somebody's table, you only have two or three seconds for them to digest information.

So, I feel like I had to do that to push my representation of my true ethnicity to the surface but also so that they can look at it and say, okay, this is, you know, you, you are a fair contender for this. It's really interesting. It's been a really interesting thing to navigate. I have to say, as, just growing up with it, like Irish dad, Filipino mom, like, and a blended family. Like I have three sisters that are like fully Filipino. I have a sister and a brother that are fully white, but we integrated our family in a way where like, we all consider ourselves six siblings. So my you know, my ethnic upbringing is just so, and on top of that being, you know, a queer man, it's like a very like multi layered situation.

And so I feel like the name change kind of helps me better represent just how multi-layered I am.

Spencer Williams: Oh, I love that. Your story around In the Heights was what my next question was, what was the experience afterwards? Like, did you find that you were being seen for different types of roles?

Adam Tabellija: Absolutely.

Spencer Williams: And then were you also then excluded on some other things or, or has it been really positive in the experience?

Adam Tabellija: Yeah, I overwhelmingly, have to say that it has been met with positivity, not just from a results basis, as far as like getting into the room or, you know, getting auditions that I want to get, but also just from the community. Overall, like when I announced it felt so ridiculous to be like, I'm changing my name to Adam Tabellija, but like, you know, I have so many people that are close to me that have only known me by my former name. And the outreach that I got from like, my Filipino friends that were like, damn, I was like more representation like in the industry. This is like, so, so many people were really encouraged and, very uplifting about, the idea of making ethnicity more visible in this in the theater community. I think it's just really important. And so I think overwhelmingly it has been positive. I can't say that I, you know, it's excluded me from anything because I don't really chase after things that I know I'm not right for. And so, I can't say that the name change has forced me to, or force me out of anything.

Spencer Williams: So, some recent productions you've been in Rocky Horror Picture Show, also a new musical called Cleopatra. And then you've done a couple of different, productions of Rent. What's that been like as a queer man to be able to be like, fully represented in these roles?

Adam Tabellija: I have to say that, hmm. Getting the chance to be a part of shows that really, pull, I guess pull out the elements of my soul that I really like cherish has really been a gratifying experience for me. Again, like you said, doing Rocky Horror, doing Rent a few times do it. I did Priscilla Queen of the Desert for six months, Cleopatra, which was like a rave hip-hop, peace, love hippie kind of musical.

You know, I've been really lucky to be part of a lot of shows that require diversity, not only in ethnicity, but an experience. and so I think what's interesting is I went into theater thinking of myself as needing to fulfill specific things to, you know, to, be able to play certain parts.

So, growing up I, you know, in children's theater, they put me in a lot of leading man roles and I thought that that was like what I had to do when I first moved to the city. I did another one of those pay-for-play things. I don't know if I can really recommend that to you as if you come out here.

So, but I did it, it was a, you know, and again, another big casting agent who was like, you know, I just moved there and, I fancied myself like a leading man type and I showed up the way that I, the way that I dress with, like my tattoos exposed and my piercings and my hair done, and like, you know, all funked out or whatever.

And, we had a one-on-one afterwards where he could give us feedback and he's like, you know, there's just too much going on, you know, the hair and the earrings and the tattoos. And, you know, I just. Maybe put it on like a baggier like boot cut, dark wash denim, and a white button up and like slick your hair.

Like, you want me to look like all these other white boys that come in here? And so like, you know, but at the time I didn't know anybody. I, you know, I didn't, I was like, you're an expert. I just moved to New York, you know, and this guy is telling me, you need to water yourself down to make yourself palatable. And so it kind of sent me into a tailspin in a way of like, Okay I have to change. I have to change my hair and have to change the way that I dress. And I can't appear as who I authentically am in order to book these roles. That's basically what I was being told. And so that really sent me into kind of like a very confused place for a couple of years in the way that I approached my auditioning.

And then I don't know what it was if it was, I, you know, it kind of started with -with projects like Rent. And then I started getting started booking roles that really called on these like, sort of like queer super powers if you will, and even, you know, a Rock of Ages was one of the first like major, major things that I did.

And I got to play Lonnie who is like this, like eighties, like very Jack Blackie type of character. Who's like a cartoon character, but he's like masculine, but also feminine. And so it was, it was interesting for me because it was the first time that I saw myself as a queer person in a role that is perceptively straight.

And, so I kind of had to trust myself going into that, that I could like be convincing, in this role. And that kind of, I don't know, that kind of unlocked something. It gave me like a power in a way where it's like, Oh, I can be this like flouncy kind of like glittery flashy person and the audience isn't like...they're not worried about whether or not I'm gay. They're just like, you know, they're, they're just enjoying what they're watching. They're enjoying what they're seeing on stage. And so it went from that into sort of, okay, well, you know what that, what that casting director said about watering myself down, I'm going to do like the complete opposite of it.

So ,then I went from like covering myself up to like, I'm going to show up in a like mesh shirt with a backwards hat on. I'm going to have my piercings in and I'm going to sing "Poor Unfortunate Souls" because I love Little Mermaid and like, this is for Beetlejuice. So, like it's correct and you know, and it's always, when I make choices like that, where I come in and I'm not playing by anybody's rules necessarily. I'm still playing by the rules, you know, I'm coming in and I'm singing 16 bars, but I'm coming in and I'm doing what I do best. And, and if I don't fit into the equation of what their show is, then I probably don't want to be part of it in the first place. And so what's happened is by shifting the way that I approach my audition, it's allowed me to really connect with the artists and the productions that need me the most, that need what I do specifically.

And, you know, I, as a child, used to sing Whitney Houston into the garden hose at three years old in my sister's high heels. And I literally grew up and I'm doing the same thing. So, it's like, you just have to trust, like what's always been there, you know?

And, it's like when I went back to walking around in heels and singing songs that I love to sing and like being sassy the way that then the doors began to open for me to work that I really wanted to be a part of.

Spencer Williams: I've seen this journey since I've known you for the last decade, so it's been kind of amazing to see, but it's also an incredible thing to remind yourself, especially in auditioning, about just being your authentic self and that will mean, hopefully that you are a part of the right stories about the right companies who are supporting those stories and then you as an actor will then be your best self in that experience as well.

Adam Tabellija: Absolutely. Well, and I think, you know, the cool thing about being able to bring the sort of like queer aspect of my experience to whatever characters that I play is that, like we had talked about the intersectionality with being multi-ethnic and alot of experiences that queer people and the queer community face really line up with, what communities of color face, multi-racial people face.  And so these are all elements that we can draw on from our personal experiences and infuse into our performances, because in a lot of these shows, you know, that draw on these things on queer qualities or on quality of people of race, you know, you have to, there's an authenticity that you can bring to your performance -- you can translate what you've gone through in your real life, into the character. So many of them rely. So many of these characters that you look at things like, West Side Story and In the Heights even, you know, what is that experience like for a Puerto Rican person coming to New York and feeling like an outsider? What does it feel like for a queer person to be put into a heteronormative situation? You know, there's so much crossover and so I think what's really great is when you really commit to kind of understanding your own experience and you can harness that and you can use it in the work that you do on stage.

Spencer Williams: Absolutely. We have 10 quick fire questions for you.

Adam Tabellija: Great.

Spencer Williams: What was the first musical you ever saw?

Adam Tabellija: I have very early memories of seeing Cats. I'm going to say Cats.

Spencer Williams: Favorite musical of all time?

Adam Tabellija:  It's RENT.

Spencer Williams: A musical guilty pleasure ?

Adam Tabellija: A musical guilty pleasure... I guess, there's this little Off-Broadway show. It's really bad. It's called Zanna Don't and it was, it's actually, this would be great. A great thing for you to study because it is a queer musical that was Off-Broadway and it was about a world where being gay was normal and being straight was like socially unacceptable. And so it's actually really cute, like there's only like eight people in it or like 10/12 people in it or something maybe next year, Spencer. But it's like, it's a really great show. So, Zanna Don't.

Spencer Williams: I love that you said that, you mentioned that you were in high school musicals, so we'll skip over that one. Favorite cast album?

Adam Tabellija: Cast album? Currently probably Hadestown.

Spencer Williams: Your favorite musical you've had the privilege of being a part of?

Adam Tabellija: Oh my, okay. This is, it's actually For Tonight, which is the show that you wrote. Because that is something that I, I feel like I've been part of since like the ground up and every time I do the show, it is like the most, I like it. It's the most fulfilling overall.

Spencer Williams: Well, thank you.

Adam Tabellija: You're welcome. Thank you.

Spencer Williams: Adam did sing for the first time we had anyone sing anything was Adam singing in the living room. So we feel the same way. Your dream role?

Adam Tabellija:  Oh, I mean... there are really so many. God, I, I guess I have, I mean, my dream role. I would love to originate something. That's the real, that's the real answer. I would love to create something on my own. I would like to create a role on Broadway. But, man, that's so hard. I mean, Hmm, the big, one of the big prizes is, Lafayette/Jefferson in Hamilton. Of course. Honestly, I just want to be a swing in Hamilton that like, I want to play like every part, like, I want to be one of those guys that literally understudies everybody.

Spencer Williams: Love it. I think that's a great answer. A favorite theater company you've worked for?

Adam Tabellija: I have to say, well, I'm going to say most recently, the theater that I did Rocky Horror with, they're a really, really small theater company in New Jersey. They're called Exit 82. They actually produced a production of, Be More Chill before it went to Broadway so that kind of put them on the map. But they have, really committed in this really like po-dunk little like conservative town in New Jersey to like culturally enriching them through like super diverse programming, really like, queer content, lots of like, it's really incredible what they're doing, in a neighborhood with a lot of Trump flags flying in it. So, I really, I just went back and did a benefit for them on Halloween. It was my first time being on stage in like a year, we were all in masks and small audiences, but I got to help them raise a little bit of money and they're still finding ways to make theater happen in this crazy time. So, check 'em out they're really cool.

Spencer Williams: Cool. A quick snapshot or moment you miss about live theater?

Adam Tabellija: Everything. I, yeah, man, I don't know. I feel like I was so lucky on Halloween to get to step on stage. And the thing that I really latched into in that moment was, the feeling of the lights. And I was like, I remember the last song that I sang and I was just like, just saturate yourself in this because who knows when you're going to be able to do it again and so the feeling of the light on me, that's always what I miss.

Spencer Williams: That's a good one. Thanks Adam, for doing all these videos for us, it's been so much fun to watch them and have them come through and everything. So, we really appreciate all your work.

Adam Tabellija: I appreciate being involved and I'm just happy that I could share my little slice of musical theater experience. It's different for everyone.

Spencer Williams: It is -- everyone has a different journey that is true, that we have been learning that the journeys are quite different and the experience.  We really appreciate it.

Adam Tabellija:  Thank you for having me.